And after the long layover....

Wazzup peeps...Ive been gone for a minute but I'm back, with a whole bunch of stuff on my mind. The biggest thing is just theres been so much conflict between me and my mother lately like I feel as if Im such a big dissapointment to her and everytime I ask her for some help or anything it gets thrown back in my face and results in an arguement. Ive felt like shes wanted me out for a while now and taken out her feelings for my father unto me. It really sucks having that put on me like that. Sometimes I dont know what to do....I mean like today I lowkey spazzed on my gf because I thought something was wrong with her because of the texts she was sending me, thats just bad. I have so many feelings about the situation with my mother and I talk to people about it but that sad and hurt feeling just doesnt go away and idk if it ever will. I honestly think sometimes that she doesnt love me and just wants one less burden out of her life so she doesnt have to care for me anymore. That sounds bad but its perfectly reasonable to me and thats even sadder. I hold alot of my feelings towards her inside and I know its not good but when I talk about it I cant help but feel sadder and sadder and feel like Im bringing them down. My gf is amazing I mean she listens to me when I do talk about it and stuff but I feel bad because I wanna be the perfect guy for her and not bring all this baggage of my life onto her....its not fair. Idk its such a complex thing that I have to contemplate on it....thanks for listening/reading my thoughts on things lol....

Oh and ill be on this more often